The Basis of My Life is Freedom; The Purpose of My Life is Joy .

Sunday, August 29, 2010


I saw “Prince of Persia” on dvd. It’s the 2nd time that I've seen it. Every single point of it was heart staggering. The movie has so much love and I just don’t want it to end
The 1st thing I felt when it apparently did was to see it again. 

Suddenly, I remembered my previous relationship with my brothers. How we used to envy and look at each other as a competition. 

Suddenly, I remembered how I used to think of every single lover I have had as my destiny. It's kind of funny now.

Time has erased all of that.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


1. I am my own critic. After a long day of work, I evaluate myself and I tend to focus on the weak side of my performance. Ya ya. You’re thinking I am soo negative. What’s with the law of attraction that drives people nuts about negativity? I think it is also important to acknowledge them so they won’t happen again. Therefore, you will become better. You can’t just deny the fact that something bad happened. I am sorry if I am not conceited, okaay?! Sometimes I think it’s good to look at the weak parts so you’d know how to defeat them next time. I am aware that nobody is perfect. But you should at least try to become one?

2. I prefer to dream while awake than sleeping.

3. Unlike before, I have learned to ignore people who just can’t live with out saying deceitful things about me. Just don’t try to touch me. My hands immediately react to that and I might smash you with anything with in reach.

4. I imagine of me doing a music video when I can’t sleep at night.

5. I sometimes find silence so deafening especially when I am expecting some answers. Silent war isn’t my forte. We’d rather throw plates and vases at each other than fight only with our eyes. Argk!

6. I once lost my ability to trust people. It was a struggle trying to regain it. I understand that a person or 2 people, not even 5 people, who repeatedly maltreated you, must not represent the entire people around the world. It is alright to trust someone. Just be careful who you choose.

7. I have a cuddly puppy which doesn’t grow and pee on sneakers.

8. I have a supernatural ability to laugh out loud.

9. I’m a silly writer. I often make fun of myself. hehe

10. I also laugh in misery. I don’t do like oooohhhh I am soooo saaad. Please help me. Or ohhhhh let’s all be sad and not watch a movie. Let’s just be saaad all of us. Ohhh. Lmfao.

11. I have butter fingers.

12. My dad past away when I was 3 years old. He got depressed when he got duped twice by illegal recruiters and in a business by a former friend of his. So my mom flew to South Africa for work and supports us financially. She tried so hard not to fall in love again because it’ll be a distraction. So I basically grew up with my Lola. I was so young and I was ao annoying to hear her telling me things about her past experiences. Perhaps I was a spoiled kid. A big brat. Then, I cried like a baby when she lost her voice 4 years ago. Whenever we talk over the phone I get a bit sad because I practically can’t attend to what she’s saying. I just pretend that I do. I’d fake a laugh. Then I’d hear my mom in the background,”she said she has a headache.” “Oh”. I am miles away from home now and I miss grandma.

13. I’d kill for my little sister.

14. Why do I get turned on whenever I clean my ear with a q-tip?

15. I’d fist-fight for my friends.

16. Making tiny bubbles with saliva is gross. That is why I am beginning to avoid doing it. It helps me fall asleep on the bus.

17. I absolutely have no control of my bashfulness. It’s like one day I am the most talkative person in the planet the next day I want to hide under a big rock.

18. If I’d base the way I kiss to the rules that you told me then I am the worst kisser in the world. What’s with the creepy rules? There are rules in kissing? Sssspare me! I think that having mine on the lips of the one I love…or lust makes it awesome. Period.

19. When I was 5, I used to believe that Peter pan was real. Trust me. The show is kind of dangerous. I attempted to jump thinking I’d float from my aunt’s vanity table.

20. If I am to point out my real friends on my 5 page g-list for my birthday 2 years ago when I was still in MNL, I will have 4 & ¾ pages of paper for picking up my dog’s poop.

21. I think cussing me in bed is sweet. Hihi.

22. I would rather quit and be financially miserable prowling my mom’s atm for a moment than do something that I don’t love.

23. I have 2 different voices when talking. One is my normal voice the other is Kiko maching with a strong regional accent.

24. I think that just saying Sorry is worthless. Especially when you just said it because you got caught red handed. Here’s how it should go: Just Admit what you did, say Sorry like you mean it and then Swear not to do it again. <Always remember: A.S.S.>

25. Ako’y maginoo pero medyo bastos.

some of the pictures are from

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A Candle for Mourning

I’d like to apologize for the blog that I posted entitled “Confusionism…???...!!!”. It was an abrupt attempt to show my high level of concern with my fellow Filipinos who live abroad particularly in Cn and HK. One of the things that I love about the Chinese culture is their unfathomable love for their elders. It was undeniably terrible to witness seeing the victims especially the elderly being harmed by someone who was clearly desperate seeking justice. My fear carried me away. I fear of how people would react to what happened and try to even the score to some of the Filipinos who are apparently below them. When I woke up this morning and opened my laptop, it was inevitable to get a recap about the unimaginable thing that occurred. It is all over the news. I was on-line browsing for lunch and it popped out before my eyes from nowhere. I swear I did my best to skip the comments part of the articles but it was a much stronger force than me. They were indeed angry comments. Thinking that they should retaliate to us because they think that the policemen didn’t want to help because the passengers were not Filipinos was just illogical. It was really hurtful of them saying terrible things about how little us, Filipinos. I am a Filipino and I love my country. I guess it was pretty clear that we are very humane because we give all human beings (disturb, convicted and even the obviously harmful) a chance to come back to goodness. But unfortunate things happen. I remember one commenter was practically persuading their government to just declare war against us. No, they’re not afraid at all. They think we are very little. But I am okay with it. I guess it is more painful losing someone you truly love. Losing someone forever with out having the chance to say good bye and hug them and say how thankful you are for the love they’ve given you. So I take all of it. I understand. I was also like that when I heard the news about China had distributed melamine contaminated food products throughout the entire world. But after a while I realized that not all Chinese people should be blamed. Time heals all wounds. I hope for peace and the forgiveness of the love ones of the victims and the entire Chinese people.

“Did the Philippines try its best to deal with this incident?” Duzoubeige, or Singing Elegy Alone, tweeted” I can’t help but get angry!!”

I am sorry to you if I had unintentionally mocked all the policemen of MNL. From now on, I will try to give myself some time to breathe and think before I let my fingers type my heart out into a blog. I know that I don’t have lots of followers here (yet) but it reached you and you got hurt. I’m sure that your policeman father is not a bad person. Again, I am sorry.

Sina blogger wrote: “I feel sad for those who died. (Hongkong compatriots) please come to travel in China. No matter what you will be in the arms of the motherland. It will be safe.”

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I didn’t have an idea that the hostage taking of 22 Chinese nationals got bloody until the blog of rudeboy got me a bit worried and finally check out the news. I hope this won’t define my patriotism but I always try to avoid any kinds of news coming from MNL. They all seem very negative and appalling. I love my nationality. As a matter of fact I’ve indicated clearly in my resume my nationality as a “proud Filipino” even though some of the Filipinos here that I know told me that it might be disadvantageous for me since most Chinese prefers caucasians or any nationality but from The Philippines. Prior to this I’ve read an article about how the tourism in MNL declined very dramatically. Like almost dead or something. Which is very incredible since manila is loaded with rich histories that can satisfy the different levels of curiosities of people of other cultures. Did anyone notice that the 1st thing that’ll flash in your eyes before the plane lands in terminal 3,”the newest airport” which charges a very intriguing airport usage fee amounting 700++php, when HK has state of the art features but won’t charge a single penny, is a stagnant water space with all the rubbish in different stages of rottenness you won't imagine? It is such an eyesore all the airlines must require to close the windows to shun our country from a big shame of filth.

The Hostage Drama:

Thank God I am laying low with the coffee. I am in a bit of outrage. How did that hostage taker reach his Seniority position when he is in fact a giant psycho? Positioning the bus in Grand stand? Of all the places in MNL he chose thee grandstand. Now, the entire world will remember it by not the oath takings of the Presidents of the Philippines and big ceremonies but this psychopathic act of a former senior member of the authorities. What happened to our police? MNL is like a Ghost town already. Not a lot of people are outside getting busy with their work. Apparently, they are no available jobs for them. Kinalawang na ba talaga ng husto?! I also don’t understand why they had to arrest the brother of the hostage taker. Isn’t keeping the abductor calm is the best approach to put an end to the drama? What? Did they have to question the brother? Of all the news that needs to be blocked, why wasn’t this one? Why the previous overseas hospitalization of a politician more important than this one when lots of people are taking refuge in China and HK because the government got nothing to offer them? Why not block that damned news? Or was it the best strategy of the authorities to make Mendoza surrender? Takutin ba na parang bata para tumigil na sa pag-atungal? Ganun ba yun? What a real super smart strategic mastermind they got in there! Does the government knows how much is the 12 month Cn visa so people can stay here and work to feed their families? People need to spend at least 10,000rmb for that and it takes a great effort to get a considerate agent for that. The Cn government got stiffer and stiffer in giving out visas to Filipinos because of the great numbers of bad incidents and poor relationship status with our government. Filipinos fly out to live. Let them out because there’s nothing for them there. The least thing that the government can do is to be friendly with those countries to help in stabilizing the positions of the OFW in their employers. Filipinos prefer to endure the bombings in Israel and Saudi etc than live and die in hunger in their “home”land. So much was at stake in that hostage drama. Why didn't they just sharp shoot that f%#*ing psycho rightaway? I mean, why do we treat psychos like the rest of us when they have already relinquished their rights to be protected? Para saan ba ang criminal rights na yan or whatever you call it? Ang mga rapist,mamamatay tao etc. My verdict: bury them alive in a formicary. Bakit naman Chinese pa when there is a huge number of Filipinos there....i mean, here who works for their poor families in different poor parts of our country.Papano na ang mga teachers na lumulon ng pride & be an ayi (kasambahay) para mabuhay? Sana umoo na lang kunwari sa gusto then saka parbabarilin hanggang mamatay! So si Vice Mayor Isko Moreno was stuck in traffic kaya hindi nakarating agad. Okay! I need a moment of silence…………………………………………………………………….

I just hope that the President would immediately do something to reestablish our good relationship with China and HK. I am not so sure kung papaano maliligawan to make our already meager reputation to them become a bit worth a try...again. Those poor Chinese people (most of them are elders) gave The Philippines a chance to be discovered! Why? Why let this one be known in the world? Take note, this happened in the “Capital City” of our country. What more in the provincial parts The Philippines? I don’t want to imagine the impact of this in the status of the tourism, stability of tenure of the OFWs, confidence of foreign investors and the economy of our country.

God, help us.

Monday, August 23, 2010


Tonight is like the other nights that I am very busy and unavailable though I am not doing anything.

Well, this early evening, I was about to get out from the groceries with 2 heavy green bags when the storm started. Normally, it drizzles 1st but since I was the one who was going out it accelerates to a thunderstorm. I hurried out to get a cab so I can go home faster. (Luckily, there was one waiting just outside the shop) Out of the blue, a man was trying to point me something on the ground. He was with his kid and also has a bag of groceries in his hands.

Man: Wei, nida tsiong rshicnksn ching chang chung ching (I’m still nega in Mandarin)

Me: ………..

Houjie is like a wild jungle of Mainland,China. One time, I went to the bank by bike. I chained it up around a 4 feet plant in the parking area along with the other bicycles. After 20 minutes, I got back and look for my bike but it’s already gone. Funny thing is, the plant is also gone. The 4 feet innocent plant: they took it! With my bike! Can you believe it? So I guessed the plant was there for a dark reason. I was like, “Dude, Where’s my bike!” So I just walked to my building feeling a bit pissed. I took my keys, opened my door, turned on the air-con, put my knapsack down and sat on my sofa. Then, I was shocked to see all the zippers of my bag were open. Lots of people saw me walking and nobody bothered to tell me that I was being robbed.

So going back,I said  to the guy, “Shama? Wo timbudong (What? I don’t understand).”

*Thinking he's just another bugger trying to trick me.

The guy looked away. So I opened door of the cab and get inside. When suddenly I had a feeling that I dropped something. I immediately searched for my phone and wallet. Those are one of the most important things. I went in the cab and it moved right away. I looked behind to see the guy again and saw him picking up something from the ground. And there they go. Great! He has my eyeglasses now. Argk. I knew it!

He tried to clean them with his shirt and put them on to his kid. The kid looked really happy.

Grocery List:

1. Seaweed Strips

2. 7 Kgs. uncooked Rice

3. Lemons

4. Spam

5. Condensed milk

6. Shrimps

7. Lactobacili Drink

8. Siliiiii. B-)

The Huddle

LF: Thank G were here!

Me: Isn’t he gonna stick with us? Baka naman isipin ni G you just used him to get the others in.

LF: Hehe!

I: I think I better go. I saw toooot. They’re together.

LF: Andito din? I thought andun sya sa Emba kanina?

I: Well..

Me: Listen,I,don’t say that. Trust me. You know I’d tell you if you look like shit. The other day, yes,you did. But tonight, you look grrreat! The best way to really get over someone is to look hot as hell and be with another. Then, Toooooooot will notice you and ask you back. That’s when you retaliate and ditch, bitch.


I: Alright. I will try. Thanks.

Me: So are you gonna pop,L, or not? So we can have you backed up?

LF: Since andito ka. inom na laaaang! hehe

J: So?

LF: So fuuuun!

J: So let’s!

I: So faaaar….s…

Me: So fetch!



Thursday, August 19, 2010

To Swim or Not To Swim

Making a Good First Impression With a Customer: Preparing for an Initial Meeting Can Develop a Lifelong Client.
--Heather Rothbauer-Wanish

First experiences lingers a lifetime. That's why it is so important to show your maximum courteousness and aristocratic level of service to a new customer. B-)

It was a night when Spring was about to kick in and I asked Xx to check out the pool with me. It’s 9pm on my watch and we were alone so I immediately stripped down to my Speedo and tested the water with my toes. Tolerable.

Xx comes back from the restroom.

Xx: The restroom smells… like a rotten ince…nse… Suddenly Stunned.

Me: Go ask the doorbitch (in clubs their job title is really Doorbitch) if we need to pay to swim in here.

Xx: Ohkay. And I thought we’ll just check the pool out.

Me: Ya? How do we check it out? By swimming,right?

Xx: …..Aren’t you gonna take a shower 1st?

Me: You think I still should? There’s no one in here but us. I don’t think the Chinese are in the mood to swim these days. I’ve been eyeing on this pool for days and nobody comes here. Didn’t you inhale in the bus this afternoon? It’s winter. Nobody breaks a sweat. But it’s still pheromone overload.

Xx: Which means?

Me: Which means most people here would rather choose to vapor kamias puree from their pores than wipe their armpits with wetones.

*Why is it imperative to take a shower before swimming? I think it’s a bit bull. ? What difference will it make? I mean who didn’t secretly take a piss in the pool? Kahit isang patak lang. It’s still piss. Or spewed and blow their brains out through their noses in the pool? Everybody has hoovered someone else’s urine to their pores while swimming. It’s a natural phenomenon. Hehe.

Me:It wasn’t like I worked all day in a construction site.

Xx: Confused Stare...

Me: I took a shaw 30 minutes agooo? Okaay? Isn’t that enough?

Xx: Err…What’s kamias???

Me: Staring at Xx while walking to the farthest part of the pool.

*Xx walks to the counter. Still confused and says with a grim,” Hey! Stop being bossy, okay?”

*Xx is still in sight walking but I dived in right away on my ass to the water with excitement.

*I felt the intense pain from my glutes. It slowly crawled all the way to the tips of my hair and toenails. It’s a wide basin disguised as a grown-up swimming pool. I was moving slowly towards the handrail on my knees while still in huge pain. I think I might’ve tasted a little blood inside my throat. I gulped it back in.

*Xx comes back undressing. Looks like a part in Baywatch when Pamela is in a soft porn scene going in action to save a kid from drowning. 1st, Xx kicks out Havaianas while pulling up shirt with crossed arms. Then, unbuttons shorts and let it slide down to the ground and walks out from it.

*Rolled my eyes. I am so not in the mood for seduction right now. I have internal hemorrhage.

Xx: You really couldn’t wait, can ya? Diving without wearing goggles? You’re gonna lose those long lashes.

Me: Ya. Shaw…shiiiin (Shawshin= Be careful in Mandarin. Ain’t sure about pin yin B-) ).

Xx: What? Oh now you want me to take a shower? ? That’s a unique way of showing me your interests. Walking slowly and testing the waters. Whoa! You didn’t tell me it’s a bit cold.

Me: I said, shawshin.

Xx: Sing what?

Me: …….

Xx: Come in here. I can’t see you already. Why are you in the deep end? You know I don’t swim that well. Smiles.

*Xx was the one who taught me how to swim.

Xx: Come here. I can only see the tip of your hair now.

*Well that is because I was drowning in pain already.

Me: I th-h-hink we better go back upstairs. It’s too c-c-coold in here.

Xx: Don’t you think the floor feels greasy? Eww! When was the last time they hovered this up?

Me: Prrrreciselllly.

*I guessed maybe they never thought somebody would still think to swim in a cold winter night.

Xx: I can’t believe we paid 20 rmb each for slimes.

Me: Exactly my point. Let’s g-g-ooo.

*I hurried back towards the elevator. The cold breeze of the wind blew and hurried me while I was still in pain.

Xx: Grimming.You forgot your iphone.

Now, I realized they thought we weren’t a resident that’s why they charged us 20rmb. Outsiders are welcome to visit with a purchased ticket. They didn’t even issue us a receipt. While walking in pain with a cold wind torturing me I noticed there was a small gym at the corner with barbells, dumbbells and a treadmill. They’re all as grimy as hell. Like I’d go out from it with a much clogged nose of boogers.


*Looking at the pool standing on my veranda eating brown beans stuffed mooncake. “To swim or not to swim?”

In my mind:

Pool: I will wash your worries away-way-way-way.....
Me: F%&king Pool.

"So again, To swim or not to swim?"

Xx: On the phone: Why not? Enjoy summer while you can! I could sense Xx holding laughs.

Me: …… Hanged up the phone.

*I suddenly had a big feeling Xx knows what happened to me that night. I can imagine earsplitting laughs right now. Arrrggk!

*Looked at the pool yet again.
Naah. It’s summer. Most people in here have probably perspired like a fully turned tap. I can imagine how the water would taste like.
-Isang malaking batcha ng Sinigang! (a wide basin of sour stew soup)


Xx: I think my signal here is bad. So…holding laughs again…are you gonna swim or what?

Me: Passed. Might be slimy again.

*12 days to go before work starts! B-)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Sili Kid

It’s funny how my mind works sometimes. It’s currently 6:36 pm on my watch and it is telling me that I am feeling dizzy because I haven’t slept yet.

“Don’t bull with me, Brain.”

On the 1st day of my 1 month vacation, I slept the entire day away. …Well, I hit 13 hours. That one time! It destroyed my body clock. Things are so easy to destroy (I F&%king slept on it!) but sooo hard to fix. I’m wide awake at night and tucked in bed in the morning. Very uncool. I can’t turn up the volume of my box, jump on my dance pan and I have to wear a headset when watching porn in my laptop. Yes, I live in a condo. Most of em are almost sound proof. But I used to get disturbed in my sleep at 3am by the ooooing and f&%king of my upstairs neighbor (Gradually,it stopped. I guess it was just too cold last winter). I’m always cautious in this town. The last thing I need is getting caught up in an argument with a Chinese here. I’d want to eat my eardrums. This late afternoon, around 3pm, I went to CafĂ© de Corale to order some tapao (take-out) for lunch. I asked the counter if the meal I ordered includes a rice (Chiga yo mifan ma?). She said, yes (Yo). When I got home to check my food, I was a bit appalled when they put in noodles. Or sotanghon ata toh! Kaso parang spaghetti and timpla. Then, I found out that I pronounced mifan with a different tone. It should be mifan with the straight tone in stead of going down. Kansunyi (Fuck til you die) and gansunyi (thank you very much). Not sure if my pin yins were right. They sound like that so. Imagine how complicated mandarin is? Gah! I have an extremely sensitive body clock. It was probably because of all the partying when I was still in my hometown. Staying up late almost every night made its pendulum susceptible and weak to deal with any fleeting time-bound habit.

July 27, the school I work at begins to close for the summer vacation. 13 days to go and the classes will start again. Gah, it’s that swift, huh? I haven’t accomplished anything on my summer vacation activity list yet.

1. Beefed up.

2. Time is bold (to fly). Earn still. Find a part-time job!!!

3. Guanzhou Project.

4. Dip in the pool. (1 tambling lang ang pool o!)

5. MNL.

6. Tidy up the house.

This morning, I was so indecisive whether to hit the gym or just let myself rot at home. Reading my friend’s blog about a zit contaminated me with one on the part of my face where it is absolutely impossible to hide with anything. Plus it is too red to be true. Fire RED! with glitters on top of it that says,”Hello,Planet Earth!”. Because of it I am too embarrassed to just even walk in the hallway of this building.


I remember telling someone that one of the things that love about staying here in Cn was going out with out having to worry about anything in the way I look. I’d go to work wearing the shirt I was wearing the other day. Or even just yesterday. Oks lang. Winter naman so I hardly broke a sweat. Cutting my fingernails becomes a monthly routine. Or I’d just cut them when I notice that I can plant potatoes in it already. So what? Chinese won’t care. Luckily, most men grow their fingernails to serve as their weapon when needed. I am not even kidding! I wonder why the women in here also don’t mind their armpits are turning into a rain forest. Also as a weapon I guess.

“I will strangle you with my super powerful rope in my sleeves! Haaiii Yaaa!”

In the city bus, it’s always overflowing with pheromones. So smelly I’d think it’s me already. But hey! Zero worries if it’s me. No one will blog about how grimy I look in public. No one knows me here. But now?

Now, I am conscious. (Thinking this with a Smile)

Amazingly, I was able to gain some friends in here. Gained some with out even trying. Like impressing them or something.

It took only me…

Deep breathing…

I’m near the end of my 2 years of living in here (Still Counting). Ph and Cn are both in the same continent. But this place is completely different from where I grew up. Houjie is like the Limbo. It’s in the middle of provincial and urban. Like when the first time I tasted absinthe absent. Mind boggling on how to exactly describe its taste. When you seem to have the precise adjective you’re already too drunk to say the words. Ahh..China: Sweet,hazardous,traditional and liberating. It's like a shark. A big trainor of the all the species in the deep blue sea. It cultivates me to be the most vigilant person in the entire world and it humbles me.

I’m changed forever.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Boing Boing After The Ball

Done: Monday, July 5, 2010 at 11:18pm

I swear I thought of just letting this pass. But I realized maybe I shouldn’t because that is as good as admitting to people who saw my actions that I was really the only one who should be blamed. To you who send me a million nasty messages, I don’t know what you are & I am not sure who you are (Though I think I have an idea). But Fuck you! B-) Hide in your tiny little hammock and enjoy how I was humiliated sending me nasty messages. Making someone happy in little ways makes me glad.

First, I think I need to say sorry to those people who saw that incident. I know some of you told me already that it is alright and you understand..because I am your friend. I don’t think being friends with me is the reason that I want to know…the reason that I need that’s why you understood. I need you to really understand. I am still not sure about the exact details that unleashed the devil from within me. What I know is that I was harrased. It wasn’t the alcohol. Maybe it amplified my anger but it wasn’t the only reason. I was harrased. I remembered how the O.I.C mocked and pushed me and he wanted to hide under a rock when I began to fight back. It took a few pushings and grimmings for me to realized that I shouldn’t be treated like that and I swear to God I’d react more violently if I wasn’t drunk. So I am not going to go “Blame it on the Alcohol” in here. I was drunk fighting for me…alone. When nobody could see I was being laughed at crawling my way out from the Hotel.

Why would I cursed at their Guest just like that. There must be a reason why I cursed them. Maybe they cursed me first. Maybe I was just cursing back at them. I won’t do that. I was extremely happy during the party. There was no way I’d be in the war freak mode. I get into my war freak mode when I am agitated. I get in my war freak mode when I know that my friends are being stepped on. I am still a guy so I roll my fists when I need to. K, I behaved like that to the driver in HK because thats how foreigners should behave. Most Chinese (not all) tend to take advantage of the foreigners because they know we can pay. I’ve had several experiences close to this. A lot fo foreigners complain about this. Didn’t you think that I was just protecting you? I wen’t semi-ballistic with the guard near your apartment because he was unreasonably rude to you teeling you to get your shit parked in some place else. I just don’t want you to be more pissed off. When I drew my finger to that guard didn’t we went on ahead to what we were supposed to do in a snap? Sometimes we need to remind bitchy sales clerks and security guards because they forget where they should be really standing. No matter what the reason is, they must be “polite”. They shouldn't be the cause of someone’s delays. Lecheflan!,how many times did you witness me throwing tantrums all over the place when I get drunk? How many times? Slap my face right now if your answer would exceed “None”! I sometimes yell because I am just passionate about what I say. Totally different things. It wasn’t just the alcohol. I was violent because I was fighting for a friend. It wasn’t just the alcohol. I woke up. Maximum level na naalimpungatan ako and I saw your friend taking my clothes off licking my incredibly rock hard dick. Do you remember that, C? I didn’t just throw my cellphone for nothing. I was actually being polite pa nga kasi I didn’t blow his head off because I know he was your friend. Should I be a Lamb for that,E? My God! I am dying to get your opinion on this. I was being harrased and you,C, strutted your way out to the elevator still wondering why I was so annoyed.

Please stop making me feel like I have this fucking disease. That I need to consult a shrink and be treated because I get soooo damn angry.. What’s the difference between cursing someone in public and threatening someone on-line? Mas soshal ba kapag sa on-line lang?

I was behaving like a nun before I get drunk in that party. I am decent in social gatherings and when I snap once because of a reasonable reason and I was happen to be drunk “pooof” I am a scandalous belligerent bitch already. Reality check please? Didn't you get crazy too over love? Didn’t you fight for love too kahit napapahiya ka na na muka ka ng ta ga pauli-ulit ng sinasabi? Really? Ever?!

I get angry for a reason. Now, think why you kept on saying sorry to those Hotel employees when I was the one who was really humiliated. When they were the ones who were begging me to please yell again to their O.I.C dahil mayabang talaga yun. I am not the kind of person who would ask someone to help me fight my fights. Here, I really fought for me. Thank God the police man really considered my explanations. He knows,man. He knows I was drunk but it wasn’t enough to determine I was the person to blame for everything.

Do not overlook. It wasn’t just the alcohol.

But I think I still need to say sorry.


Darn! How are you going to like me now after this?

The Ubiquitous Young Canis


I remember the first time we’ve been formally introduced to each other like it was only last night that I didn’t get drunk. In late 2004, I got invited by your close friends, PR & C, (whom I met the night before) to an event named Androgeny & Confusion. It was your 1st Show ever. You were the Creative Director. I went there with my former banger partner looking preppy. Green Shirt, leather shoes, gray slacks and jacket. Sabi mo you were a bit shocked kasi para kaming contestants ng Mr. Pogi. Haha. It was an outstanding show for a college student like you. Look t you now! You’re really talented and I am so proud of you. Will always be. Since then, when I became a part of the group, we were inseparable. You never failed to make me laugh. We were good friends.

I was so young and life was just a big party for me. Do you remember when we committed ourselves to this 1 whole week party? Teenagers pa tayo kaya wala pa tayo masyado connections and we volunteered as assistants to B to get full access sa event. It was a lot of fun. I don’t miss that life anymore though. I guess I finally grew up.


I’m sorry…

Discovery Suites,Ortigas:

I was a restless runaway. AP was still trying to move on from her controversial break-up with this basketball star RH and Discovery served as our hide-out for a month. We get drunk every night from clubbing and after parties. Pag-uwi jutes. DT: AP’s former flavor of the week used to always bring us a lot of grazzz.

AP: Anong meaning ng ALIZE?

Q: Ako Lasing Ikaw Taga Zoo Ewan.

AP: Wooo! Yeah. Go.

DT: Ano nga yun? Unbecoming. Reluctant laugh. (DT: The SlowMo reluntant laugh)

*I knew he wasn't gay. He just looks gay because he is too cute and clean. And timid. and reluctant. Matter of fact, A.P told us that he's the biggest of them all. haay. A.P Sometimes I think how many personalities do you have. Now,you're asking us whether to pursue your relationship with DT and tell the media about it when a minute ago you were telling us how sad you were breaking up with Ball Guy because he caught you flirting with.. i dunno I forgot which one. You tell us a million of names of your hook-ups.

C & P: Steady lang kasi they don’t smoke pot Lights lang.

AM and AP were still close “friends” and she also hanged out with us several times. We called her Hallie (Hallie berry of Cat woman)

*Honestly, i think AM is one of the nicest and down-to-earth celeb I've met. Too bad for her she's "best friends" with A.P.

AM: Talaga? So sabihin mo sa mom mo na ako,AM, and girl friend ng sister mo. And ako mismo kakausap sa mom mo.
* Wow! what a relief! but I was really grateful about the advice. I think she's a good actress too. Contrary to what other people say na boobs lang daw ang umaarte. Hands down to them. They're outstanding and "real".

Birthday Party of WM:

AM: Super Drunk.

A.P: Whispering. “ Look oh. Si AM gumagamit ng oil blotter Gooo from neck sa tenga sa noo sa pisngi sa batok.”

All: laughs.

Then she stood up and tried to cross the barrier of the veranda.

AM: She’s really crazy.

Kaya nabansagan na Hallie si AM.

One of the most memorable moments of our stay in DS was during A.P’s birthday. After her err premiere showing of her movie with RP we headed to the hotel. The crown goes to A.P. Flavour of the hour in one night. First!!!


* How many wives he has now again? Well at least he's got the means to support his families. Is he shy or he's just worried that we might tell somebody that he's in the hotel with A.P?


WR comes in.
* Ya ya. I'm not starstrucked. Stop waltzing back and forth in the room. None of us are awed by you being in a room with us.

When I get up to pee, okaaay VN with an outstanding friend drinking in the living room.
* I even saw his last movie and I could really relate to it. Lola had to exile 2 of my elder brothers because of our neverending fights every night. I'm glad he goes to Thames to actually "really" study now.

Next!!! DT.

Me: Q! Jutes naaa!

DT: Dati meron akong tattoo dito sa forearm ko. Kaso pinatanggal ko na. Alam mo yung Bacardi? Yung bat dun? Yun yung tattoo ko.

* Hmm. Now I am really wondering kung totoo nga sinabi ng cosme surgeon friend ko na you underwent penile enlargement surgery. A.P is such a blabber. laughs.

Me: Interesting,DT. AAAARRRRHH! (nabakli yung paa ng chair)

DT: Reluctant laugh.

A.P: Tatawa ka ba or ano?

DT: ………..

Anong meaning ng BACARDI?!!!

AM: Wala muna papasok sa banyo ng Master’s bedroom. Umerna ako.

(The birth of the term Erna)

After badminton session in Smashville, we headed to Acropolis:

A.P: Kaya pa naman. Kaso hindi na makatarungan kasi ako lang nagbabayad. Pati yung chair pinabayaran pa saken. Laughs.

A.P: Lam mo friend, JG asked me to go out. Sabi nya gusto lang daw nya ako matikman.

Q & Me: Nagkatinginan lang.

Then she went to kitchen with OA. Q and I know what will happen.

We didn’t know that he’s with SB nap ala that time.

Q: So, si Ch nga nagpunta sa Discovery. Then Pah pah pah pak pakk na nga sa living room.

Me: Ano itsura? Very Young looking?

Q: Oo.

Me: Mukang Chinese?

Q: Oo

A: ….

Q: Oo

A: ………

I’m sorry …

You know what I’m talking about, right? It’s that one thing that I did that made you gradually drift away from me. I know it seemed a bit normal to our other friends to do that but this time around you got hurt. We were friends. I know it wasn’t like you were falling in love for Ch pero the fact na I sneaked in to get a hold of Ch. I know you felt betrayed.

I was kind of falling for Ch.

Honestly, I knew Ch matagal na. And I am not making this up. We used to chat through and we were supposed to meet up until we lost contacts and somehow I lost Ch in my friends list too.

(Hindi ko naman sya mahanap sa facebook. Kasi wala pa namang facebook nun).

Q: Cr lang ako.

Me: Ok. Let me borrow your phone lang.

I took Q's phone and looked for his number. I sent the bcard to my number. After a minute Q came back.


I looked in my phone. But it wasn’t mine.

Q: bakit sinnend ko sa sarili ko tong number ni Ch.

A.P & OA: Hindi na kami magluto kasi wala palang gas. (gulo-gulo ang hair)

* He actually looks good upclose. Not that too short in height. Btw,"Thanks for the offer,man!"


DT is here!

DT: Late. Galing shoot.

OA: Alis na ako.

You never looked at me the same way. We still hanged but never the same.

I didn’t try to snatch Ch away from you. Matter of fact, Ch was also looking all over for me. I know I should’ve told you right away pero I was too confused how to explain it to you. The way I sneaked my way to getting Ch’s number. It was completely normal for the others to pass around. But not to both of us. You were the closest to being true among the other members of the Gang.

I admit it. I felt awful. I really am sorry. I know this won't bring back our friendship like before. But I'm also saying this to completely clear up my heart. I hope this would clear up yours too. just in case you're still wondering why I did it.

I miss you.


The next day, you didn't come to Acropolis.

PR: Si Q inaatake ng scoliosis. Nakasama daw yung Badminton. Sino ba nagyaya na maglaro sya?

*You gotta stop with the blaming,man.

I stopped seeing the Kuligligs.


I checked my wrist watch on my bed side table and my heart screams, “Yessss!Umaga na!”
It’s a new day!


“(Fly intro)….
Hear me tonight
'Cause my feeling
Is just so right
As we dance
By the moonlight
Can't you see
You're my delight“

The Day Before:

My bladder woke me up from sleep and I wondered where did I misplace the bottle of “Jasmine tsing tsang chung tsing” (Can’t read Chinese Characters so). Great! Now, I need to actually stand up and walk to take a leak. If I am an animal, I will be a fish. A big water freak fish. I just couldn’t help but drink water at night. Even if I know that later on it’ll disturb my sleep. In the bathroom, I am pissing sitting down with the door wide open. I’m on my own and I can do anything I want. I’m just too sleepy to urinate while standing up. Imagine the predicament of being a guy. Besides, Beaux (pron. Bow) is also up. So it’s kind of difficult to aim it to the center. My place is on the 5th floor of a condotel within a big garden. It’s a 2 bedroom unit with living room, kitchen and 2 separate verandas for doing the laundry and to chill. When you open the windows of either bedroom you’ll see the view of the main pool within a big yard. I was completely alright living in this fair crib alone for more than 2 years now until these past weeks. I’m currently on vacation now. School closes for the summer. Thus, I can laze around all day. It’s my first time to be on a vacation from work for an entire month. My main goal was to get a lot of rest. So on the first day, I slept for as long as I wanted, ate like I am next in line to be hanged and slept again. It goes on for about a week and this habit intervened, destroyed, and pulverized my normal body clock. (I envy Beaux)Now, I realized that my days are wasting away. I got tired of sleeping so early and getting up so late. I’d fall asleep at 6 in the morning and wake up at 7pm. It makes me lonely seeing the glorious view of the sunrise before I close my window curtains for I am already sleepy and I need to say good night to it. I just want to enjoy the day with the sun again. I mean, how can I even say,”Seize the day!” if I’m up at night and I am in between 2 different dates. I am completely disoriented with the dates and my laptop’s clock is set in XX Time to keep up with Boo who’s based there.

Exhales... Haay. Naalala ko tuloy when I was still working in a call center back in Mnl.

I’d go out from work during the day and see most of the people in the city looking fresh with their hair still slightly wet, Ate sitting in the karinderia cashier’s combing her slightly wet hair looking in a broken compact mirror attached on the counter, Jeepneys full of students combing their slightly wet hair and a teenaged boy with dried up baby powder on his face trying to force his slightly wet hair apart to the middle. I can imagine, Chics and Dell are just on with the goofy Rushers. I miss that radio show a lot. Apparently, Manong is also one of the million taxi driver fans of this fm show which often yells “Bisyo nato!” Well, Medyo kwela na din. It sucks that I was always surrounded with smoker friends during break times. Though, I loved hanging out with them. Not like I had a choice. On a Friday night, I couldn’t go out because my shift starts at midnight. One time during my break, I went out to Warehouse 135 to meet Krix in stead of eating. He was one of the free promoters of the club so we can always shun the long lines and get to drink all night with out spending a dime. Free promoter means he can also get drunk while at work. I love my buddy Krix and I miss him a lot. Darn! We could get away with anything. When, I came back to office and sat down, I felt numb facing the computer. I had to confess to my supervisor and rush to the cafeteria to eat something within 10 minutes.

Texting Krix:

S.B: I will never do this again!
Krix: I’m here by the bar,lfan. I still have 5 stubs then transfer tayo sa Emba. Asan ka?
S.B: I’m here by d vendo w8ting 4 my cofi.
Krix: ha? Sinong Vendo? San vanda? Wru?
Then after a minute, he miscalled me. But when I dialed his phone it’s turned off already. That means, he’s hooked up already. So kunwari nalowbatt and will just talk later. It’s a common habit we had.

This work has ruined my life, I thought. Well, my social life. After a month of our so called SABRE training (it sucks that most of the things that we were trained for apparently won’t really apply when I’m already in the floor. Darn!) I was positioned in the Flight Fulfillments Department. There, I speak to idle Flight officers for available flights ( I remembered getting hold by Air France for an hour and then the officer told me that was because he was on break! Well, “Tu fais chier! Fils de pute!”) and then inform the passengers that they have to tell their relatives to change their wedding day because their departure date from LAX to NYC has suddenly moved to a week later.

Waking up at night really made me feel that I am alone. Especially now that I don’t have to go to work for a while. I thought I will always be fine like this but I was wrong. So, I said, ”This gotta stop! It ruins me!” In the morning, I did my best to not tolerate my drowsiness. In stead, I watched the series “Stacked” in It kept me laughing until 930. Pamela was so funny in this show. Stacked is such a hilarious series. I wonder why they refrained from shooting it after only 1 season. Then, I took a shower, packed my bag, grabbed soya milk and head out to the gym. While walking I can feel my body like a bruised banana swaying on a tiny hammock. I tried working my torso out with all my might. Thanks to the Chinese little kid who kept me entertained. Kakatuwa. Making kulitan with kids amuses me a lot. Take note! I do that for a living. Teaching cute and cuddly Chinese kids how to communicate through play,music and doing artworks is what I have been doing for quite some time now. =) Being surrounded with kids is such a fun & therapeutic job. Looking into their eyes is like looking to a window of my mostly happy childhood memories (I was a kid that grew up with a lola). Oh! The salary is quite cool too. Hehe. Afterwards, I went home to chat and play chess on-line with Boo overseas.

“I’m so sorry for always sounding irritated taking your calls because I am always in the middle of trying to normalize my sleeping habits. It’s so annoying that our time couldn’t match up. Like a round peg to a square hole. Now, things will change. I swear I will always try my best.”

Now, In my half lotus position I am happy that I can say, “Carpe Diem!” OHHHHMM…

Seize the day!

I just feel like
I won't get you
Out of my mind
I feel loved
For the first time
And I know that it's true
I can tell by the look in your eyes”

Lady by: Modjo